But the Lord Determines My Steps

So today officially marked my last day of September School class at Bethel Seminary. I learned the mircroskills of counseling and honed in on my acting abilities as I role played counseling sessions every day for the past 2 weeks. It was only a basic counseling skills course, but I think I learned more in the past 2 weeks that I did through all of college! At least in terms of applicable work knowledge and such. The past 2 weeks definitely weren't a cake walk. I think I broke down in tears on more than one occasion as I battled with God over where he is calling me in all of this. I have realized that I just have a lot of fear. I'm afraid to actually do what I want. I have always thought of being a counselor, but never saw it as a possibility for me. I have also always just wanted to be a stay-at-home mom...so then how does grad school fit into that picture?? Luckily, and strangely, enough part of the class requirements included writing a reflection paper on my calling to counseling, my strengths and limitations within the practice, and where God is at in my journey. I actually enjoyed writing this paper! So much so that I put it off until the last minute because I was stressing out over it and then stayed up until 2am to finish it because I was on a roll! ha ha But after writing this reflection, and actually reflecting on my experiences and what God might be calling me to, I have realized that I am exactly where God wants me...even if it isn't necessarily my first choice. But then again...it is almost like a dream come true.

I have been feeling so beyond blessed over the past few weeks. I graduated with a 4 year degree - debt FREE! and now I'm at Bethel!! Bethel of all places. A Christian school that in some ways I always day dreamed about attending. And now here I am! And working towards my MASTERS. My teachers pray for me before I take tests or leave class! Its just all so crazy and surreal. And to top it all off I'm living in a cute little apartment, still getting to see my best friend from college on a fairly regular basis, have found a great church community and have even started to make some great new friends. I also have the best family who continues to support me in my craziness and indecisive confused moments. Its just so weird because this is never the way I saw my life going. In a lot of ways, I'm loving it. But in many ways I'm also missing home like crazy. The Proverbs are full of so much wisdom and are a good reminder - Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." But I'm still missing the little things in life that you take for granted when you live in a small town. I wish there was a way to combine St. Paul and Cornell. But I think I have always wished I could combine Cornell with wherever I was living.

I guess God has me exactly where he wants me. I cant always tell why he wants me here or what he is doing, but I'm going to trust him that he is working out the best. Paul reminds us in Romans 8:28 "In ALL things God works for the good of those who love him." That is super encouraging in this time of confusion.