As a soon to be dad like some of you may be, I compiled a list of 10 ‘fears’ most new dads face. Of course this isn’t an all-encompassing list, but I hope you have thought about each of these things, I know I have! Hopefully, by reading this post and reading through these fears, you will be able to set your mind at ease a little bit!
For dads, this can be the biggest challenge for us. Plain and simple, navigating that balance can be a very scary task. You will need to practice this. It may not be super easy for you to fully transition and focus on home-life when you are home. Have a dialogue with your wife after this so she understands that it’s not a super easy switch for you to turn off. Make time each night for you to talk about your day at work with your wife and bring her along for the journey. This will help her understand the transition you go through from the office to home every day.
Soon after baby comes home, everyone is exhausted, and likely your wife still won’t feel very sexy. It’s natural to assume the continued lack of sex (especially if the thought of sex was killed during pregnancy!) can take a toll on a guy. Open communication about this is key. Don’t let this be the unspoken thing that drives a wedge between you two during this crucial period of your family's life. For us guys, apparently the sexiest thing we can do is the dishes!!??? Reducing her stress level with some of the household duties and showing her you realize all she has to complete can apparently be a big turn-on! You don’t have to be a third wheel in between your wife and the baby. Come up with fun ways to do things as a family, like go on walks etc. You can connect with your partner, and the baby can be along for the ride in the stroller.
Have a plan of attack with your partner. Will one of you handle all weekday nights and the other weekend nights? From 11pm-2am will one partner handle the baby and from 2am-6am the other? Discuss it with your partner and just remember you will make it through this phase, everyone does… you will eventually get amazing nights of sleeps again..... someday!
Dad’s, remember when you were learning a sport? Practice makes perfect! Get in there and learn and don’t worry about screwing up! Have you watched any little kids in elementary school play soccer or t-ball or flag football? It’s hilarious the things they will do, but they get better with…. Practice! Your wife has lived with the little guy in here tummy for ¾ of a year. It will likely be easier for her to pick up everything. It’s important for wives to give daddy a pep talk if needed. Help him learn and them back off and let him try. Give him a shot!
Boom! You are suddenly responsibility for another human... just like that. Take time and learn the ropes. Talk to family and friends about your fears and make sure you are educated. But don’t throw your or your wife’s natural inclinations aside. If you think something is wrong, call the doctor, etc! Practice holding babies of friends, babysit for a friend, etc.
Make a ‘baby’ budget. Plan out a rough estimate of costs you think you will incur and look at your current expenses. Of course, with life and especially with babies, there may be unplanned expenses that you couldn’t have even dreamed of when you made the budget, but planning for what you know will help you get one step closer and will relieve some of the stress. It’s a lot easier to make sacrifices when it's for the benefit of your kid and you can see the direct correlation as to why.
This can be another big fear. You likely recently made the transition into married life and had to make sacrifices, and now you have more to make. You have a duty now to impart wisdom on this little bundle of joy. Plain and simple, if you spend time with your child and learn as you go you will be a good father. Know that you don’t need to be an expert overnight. Spend quality time with your kids. If needed, do it alone. Let your wife go out for a night and face the challenge head on. Discuss with your wife fears about fatherhood based on your experience with your dad.
It’s important to remember that so much of your wife’s time, energy and body is spent focusing on the baby and takes up a ton of her time. Of course she will still love you, but don’t compare her love for the baby to her love for you. Working together as a team will just build your relationship and love together as a team.
10) What if our parents and family are so overbearing with giving advice?
Talk about this with your wife early on, pre-baby. Have a dialogue with your family and set expectations as well. It will be a lot easier to do on the front end versus post-baby. You will have your hands full already! One great piece of advice is to have dedicated time specific for our parents or family members where they are the only ones with the baby, giving them their own specific time, separate from a big family function/event, etc.
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